Elon Musk Must Love French Fries!

It is common knowledge that "necessity is the mother of invention".  Most of the things that we use on a daily basis are a direct function of someone who was frustrated enough to create a better way of doing it.

Think of the potato peeler.

Years and years of peeling with a dull knife.  In fact, (not really, but hey, this is the Internet so go with it) Wounded Knee was named after that unfortunate soul whose sole purpose was to prepare the potatoes for the nightly meal.  It wasn't until Thomas Williams invented the peeler in the 1800's (that actually is true) that fingers and knees were finally free from the "tyranny of the tuber"!

I would like to address a more modern problem, or perhaps appropriately, a "first world" problem.  It is an issue, and you see it every time you get behind the wheel of a vehicle.

I am talking about the serious problem of DWE.

Yes.  DWE or Driving While Eating is a serious problem in these United States.  I am embarrassed to admit that I am guilty of a DWE on a regular basis.

In fact, just today while making an "essential" run for Ag supplies and tools, I decided to stop for some lunch to eat on the way home.  There were at least a half-dozen options if not more and when I turned into the El Pollo Loco line I noticed it was way too long, same for Taco Bell, In-n-Out Burger, and KFC.  So I finally picked, Del Taco because it only had one other car in line and the "path of least resistance" is my motto for meals that I really don't care about.

I ordered some combo meal, mostly for the Diet Coke, but got a burrito, soft taco, and french fries.  [Can I digress here for just a moment and question why or better yet who decided that french fries was an appropriate side for tacos and burritos?] There was the obligatory, "...want any sauces today?" at the pickup window. Well, of course, YES! "...extra spicy please!", because if you ain't sweating it ain't good!

I merged onto Highway 4 Eastbound for home, reached into the bag, and pulled out a nice warm burrito, peeled back the paper and then looked at the bone-dry top of the burrito with the disdain worthy of that crazy TV chef that yells at everyone.

This burrito desperately needed hot sauce!  I reached over and grabbed one of the hot sauce packets and (by now, your own personal experiences are whirling around in your head) engaged in the DWE maneuver of holding an open burrito in one hand, ripping open the sauce with your teeth and other hand and steering the car with your elbow and knees.  There are two basic non-fatal outcomes to this DWE move.  The first is that you did not quite tear enough of an opening in the packet which forces you to apply additional pressure to your packet squeeze which in turn sends a jet-stream of hot sauce that barely skims the top of the burrito and hits you square in the chest.  The second outcome is too much of a tear and the majority of the sauce ends up on your chest and again, very little on the burrito.

I experienced both outcomes in reverse order of my description above.

I decided that the french fries were a safer choice since I was doing a little DWE weave on State Route 4.

So I did what all guys do when they eat fries, I grabbed several (at least 4) to nom on.  It is an inevitability that the gods that rule the space between the driver's seat and the console will demand their sacrifice and, sure enough, one of those 4 fries took that unselfish leap from my hand into the deep dark cushion crevasse and to the place where no vacuum has yet seen.  It is there that it will dwell with the 2 quarters, 3 dimes, 1 nickel, and 6 pennies along with assorted tic tacs, straw wrappers, and at least one piece of whatever was in a package I attempted to open while sitting in the car.

After arriving home and changing shirts, I began to ponder about my experience and to determine which are the worst and best foods to DWE.

Worst:  Obviously anything with a fork, spoon, or any utensil for that matter.  Crunchy tacos, because well, you know.  Subway sandwiches (especially if you order everything on it), Fried Chicken (tried that several times in Sparks, Nevada as I headed to Utah and you need 16 wet wipes to clean your steering wheel).  Cinnabon's for the same reason.  Onion rings, but only after the 1st bite because the first bite is perfect and you have created the crusty "C" shape, but the subsequent bites never are clean enough which results in the separation of the onion from its crusty outer goodness and either one or the other or both will end up in your lap.  In-N-Out Burger, they even fake you out with their, "Will you be eating in your car?" tease.  You already know what happens to fries and their fries especially cannot be picked up one at a time...and their burgers...unless you inhale them, will be dripping down your shirt by the time you have driven 3.6 miles.

Best:  McDonalds.  Anything on their menu has the uncanny ability to stay in its proper state during your DWE operation.  Only problem is that it's McDonalds.  AND...if you chance upon a stray McD's french fry on the floorboard that is within reach you will be tempted to eat it because it will look as good as the day you bought it.

With these DWE issues that we have all collectively faced I am subscribing to an apocryphal story (again, totally made it up) that Elon Musk one day was driving in his Ford Taurus and was eating his favorite fast food french fries, dropped one and then had his engineering epiphany or his "mother of invention" experience.

And THAT is why we now have self-driving cars.